When we think about the word “trauma“ we imagine something horrible like a violent attack, sexual assault, death of a loved one, war, or a natural disaster. However, sometimes trauma can be caused by something much more subtle.
Trauma is not an event, but rather an overwhelming stimulation in our bodies as a result of the event. Trauma gets stored in our bodies for a variety of reasons: such as lack of safety after the event or not having a person who can help us process what just happened.
Breaking Down Trauma
According to research trauma can be placed into three categories: Acute, Chronic, and Complex.
Acute trauma can occur after someone experiences a single distressing event. The events discussed above are good examples. This experience is severe enough to threaten the person’s safety, both emotionally and/or physically.
Chronic trauma happens when someone is exposed to many, long-term, or prolonged traumatic events over a long period of time. Some examples can include
- Long term illness
- Sexual/physical abuse
- Domestic violence
- Bullying
- Exposure to other extreme situations
Chronic trauma can also happen due untreated acute trauma.
Complex trauma can occur when people are exposed to multiple different traumatic experiences. These experiences often occur within relationships and often lead people experiencing this to feel trapped. Complex trauma can be caused by situations including childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, family disputes, or repetitive events like civil unrest. These events affect overall health, relationships, and school/work performance.
How I See Trauma
In my practice, I often categorize trauma into two types, Big T and Little t trauma. These categories are determined by the impact the trauma has had on the individual.
“Big T traumas” are those that create a long-lasting impact on the individual’s mental and physical health. These events can be triggered from a natural disaster, rape, or accident. However, sometimes the cause is not just one event, but repeated exposure to difficult events. These repeated exposures eventually create a pattern of dysregulation on the individual.
Some examples of these repeated exposures are:
- Child abuse and neglect
- Domestic violence
- Racism
- Poverty
- Immigration
- Divorce
- Living with an alcoholic/drug abuser
- Living in a dangerous neighborhood
- Emotionally immature parents.
Little t traumas, on the other hand, are those where the individual can manage and quickly recover. These events, even when serious, do not cause long term effects for the person experiencing them.
Big T trauma
I would like to focus here on the Big T traumas that sometimes get overseen in our culture and that is childhood emotional abuse and/or neglect. Childhood is a critical period for physical and emotional development. When children grow up not having an emotionally stable environment their development can be altered and even stunted, resulting in trauma.
Family conflict can lead to trauma
An emotionally unstable environment can be severe like parents being verbally and physically abusive, but sometimes can be subtle. Here are some examples: a parent denying their child’s reality, children not being seen or heard, children being told (directly or indirectly) that their emotions are wrong, a parent who focuses on appearance, a parent who is critical and cannot be satisfied, a parent that cannot manage emotions, or a child having to take the role of the parent. This list is not exhaustive, but you get the idea.
On the outside individuals that have experienced this kind of emotional abuse/neglect can appear to be “functioning well” to an outsider. Many grow into adults that have great careers, relationships, and families of their own. However, sometimes these adults may still be experiencing the aftermath of the trauma that they have endured. These trauma related symptoms are often not seen as trauma and can manifest emotionally as mood swings, disconnection (with food, sex, substances, or technology), self-blame, feeling guilty, people pleasing, aggression, having difficulty setting boundaries, or low self-concept. There is also substantial research that shows that adults that experience emotional abuse as children can have many physical symptoms. These symptoms can include insomnia, gut issues, eating disorders, substance use, and even chronic pain or Fibromyalgia.
Adults’ personal relationships can also be impacted by the emotional trauma they experienced. It is not surprising when you consider that our early parental relationships are the blueprint of our future friendships and romantic relationships. This blueprint is most of the time implicit in that we are not aware of it. These individuals often have a difficult time maintaining healthy relationships. They tend to wanting to change others, blame others for their experiences, they can be people pleasers, they are often defensive, they do not take care of their needs, they tend to rescue others, or can feel lonely or misunderstood.
How to Work Through Trauma
In my practice, I focus on resolving trauma that gets trigger by close relationships, also known as attachment wounds. These attachment wounds can get trigger by a romantic relationships, child-parent relationships, friendships, etc. I utilize evidence-based practices such EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and Somatic Therapy. These mind and body approaches can be very effective at treating the Big T kind of trauma because they work to heal the neural circuits in the brain and body. Due to the way the brain and body store these traumas a mind body approach is more encompassing than talk therapy alone. My approach aims to resolve both the beliefs created during trauma as well as somatic symptoms.
Find more information in my website ilianagelles.com
Sources: EMDR International, Attachment Focus, EMDR By Laurel Parnell, Psychology Today
