Relational Trauma
Another relationship has just ended, and it HURTS!
You’re heartbroken.
You can’t get out of bed and face your responsibilities… not today.
You thought that this person would be the one. And things were going great. That is, until you started to freak out and get super insecure, feeling like they might abandon you at any point.
You got super clingy and easily angered if they didn’t answer the phone. Or you may have constantly scanned their social media to find any clue to confirm that they were lying to you.
It wasn’t long before they couldn’t take it. And your worst fear came true: They left you.
Why is it so hard to have a healthy relationship?
It’s like you end up dating the same person again and again – only with different faces.
You notice the same pattern with your serious relationships:
You get with people who are jealous, controlling, possessive, and blame you for everything. You work hard to prove them wrong, sharing your location on your phone and telling them where you are and what you’re doing at any given time. You do everything you can to prove you’re trustworthy, but nothing works. You just end up losing yourself.
And the people you date are unsure about committing. But when you’re together, it’s great, so you hold out hope. Then, they become distant. You think, “If I just give them some space and be patient, they’ll come around.”
The closeness of a serious relationship…
It’s genuinely what you want, but you keep pushing partners away.
As soon as you feel vulnerable, you start looking at all their defects and make up stories about why the relationship won’t work… until they eventually walk away.
Do you find yourself wondering, “Why do I keep sabotaging my relationships?”
Everything else in life seems to be going okay…
You are kind and smart… and have succeeded despite what you have gone through in your life.
You have a good job and a family who loves you.
You get excited about life, but hopelessness often creeps in and saps your happiness and gratitude.
When that happens, you can’t help but wonder why you overreact to little things, worry about how others feel about you, and numb your way through difficult emotions.
Here’s the truth…
I imagine you’re frustrated from trying to figure out “what’s wrong with you.” I am here to tell you that there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. I mean it!
If you grew up with unpredictable, rigid, abusive, neglectful, or violent parents or caregivers, that’s probably the origin of what you’re going through now.
When the adults in your life didn’t keep you safe, your nervous system had to do that job by creating defense mechanisms. In a way that’s completely outside of your awareness, it developed patterns to protect you from danger.
As you start to develop a healthy relationship, your mind and body “reject it” to keep you “safe.”
But you can escape this pattern.
That’s what relational trauma therapy is for.
Healing is possible, and I can help you achieve it. But I must be honest: This work is not an easy or quick fix. It takes commitment and time, but I can tell you it’s worth it!
This work is more than talking about your painful memories. This deeper project connects your mind and body, helping you heal from the root.
In our work together, I’ll help you feel safe – in the therapy room and within yourself – by learning to self-soothe and manage your emotions.
Once that’s achieved, we’ll dive deep into your history, identifying the root causes of your painful struggles using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR. You’ll make sense of your past experiences, reprocess traumatic memories, and cultivate self-compassion.
I’ll always go at your pace, helping you decide what memories to target and how deep to go.
It’s time to create the life you desire!
Reach out today. Let’s schedule your free 20-minute consultation: (805) 430-4277.