HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY IT IS SO DIFFICULT TO TALK TO SOME PEOPLE?
The dread and the frustration that builds up when you know it is impossible for that
person to just LISTEN!
HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANY OF THE FOLLOWING?
- You cannot get your point across without them getting defensive or discounting what you
are saying - They interrupt and think they are always right.
- They never discuss their emotions or avoid deep conversations
- Perhaps is you who exhibit these behaviors.
The reason for the above behaviors is EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY.
“Emotional immaturity is a lack of depth and understanding about one’s own emotions, an
inability to communicate and process them, as well as lack of empathy and ability to understand
others emotional experiences” Gibson
Emotionally immature people can follow a clear path and achieve high levels of success,
however when it comes to relationships or emotional decisions, their immaturity becomes
evident.
Childhood trauma, inconsistent parenting, parents being overly protective, or lack of emotional
connection among other issues can be the root cause of emotional immaturity. Age does not
equal emotional maturity. Creating awareness about our behaviors and taking responsibility for
our own healing and growth is essential to achieve emotional maturity.
WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PEOPLE?
THEY ARE RIGID AND SINGLE-MINDED
They are rigid or impulsive, once they form an opinion, their minds are closed. There is one right
answer, and they can become very defensive and humorless when people have other ideas.
THEY HAVE LOW STRESS TOLERANCE
Their responses to stress are reactive or stereotyped, they restored to denial, distortion, or replace
reality. They have trouble admitting mistakes and instead blame others. Regulating emotions is
difficult for them and they often overreact.
THEY DO WHAT FEELS BEST
Young children are ruled by feelings, whereas adults consider possible consequences. As we
mature, we learn that what feels good isn’t always the best thing to do. Emotionally immature
people, however, never change the childhood instinct to do what feels good . They make
decisions best what feels good in the moment.
THEY ARE SUBJECTIVE, NOT OBJECTIVE
They do not do much analysis when they are in front of a situation. Whey they interpret a
situation, what it is true does not matter nearly as much as what feels true.
THEY HAVE LITTLE RESPECT FOR DIFFERENCES
Emotionally immature people are annoyed by other’s people differing thoughts and opinions,
believing everyone one should see things their way. They are only comfortable in role-defined
relationships where everyone holds the same beliefs.
EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THEM
Emotionally immature people are self-preoccupied and self-involved in an obsessed way
commanded by anxiety and insecurity. They live in a perpetual state of insecurity, fearing that
they will be exposed as bad, inadequate, or unlovable. They can’t stand being criticized, so they
minimize their mistakes. They are constantly monitoring whether their needs are being met or
whether something has offended them.
THEY ARE SELF-REFERENTIAL, NOT SELF-REFLECTIVE
Emotionally immature people are self-referential, meaning that in all interactions, all the roads
lead back to them. They will turn whatever you say back to one of their own experiences. They
lack self-reflection, meaning that they do not consider their role in a problem. They do not assess
their behavior or questions their motives.
THEY LIKE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
Emotionally immature people often dominate the group time and energy. They interrupt during
conversations shutting everyone else down and, if people allow it, is hard to redirect the group’s
focus.
HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PEOPLE?
First, it is important to understand that emotional immaturity exists in a continuum, from mild to
extreme. Most of us exhibit emotional immaturity at some point because no one is perfect. The
problem is when you see a pattern either on yourself or someone close to you. Here are some of
my recommendations to deal with emotional immature people:
CREATE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
The most important thing to do when dealing with emotionally immature people is to set healthy
and firm boundaries. Let them know how you get affected by their behavior and express clearly
what you want using “I” statements.
INITIATE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT
Emotionally immature people close to us can impact our life negatively. Having a
straightforward conversation about what you see and why you are concern might be the best way
to address it. Just know that not all emotionally immature people are open to hear your feedback.
But expressing yourself is the first step towards change.
LIMIT THE TIME YOU SPEND WITH EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PEOPLE
There are times that we can’t avoid interacting with emotionally immature people. They can be
our parents, close family, or on our colleagues at work. I suggest that limiting the time you spend
with them, can be a good way to protect your emotional health. Listen to your tolerance levels
and decide if you are only able to spend 1 hour or 10 minutes in any interaction.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
Therapy can help you cope with the emotionally immature people in your life. if you are the one
who wants to change, therapy can be a vehicle to help you heal and create self-awareness.
I can help you call me to set a 20-minutes free consultation: 805-430-4277
References:
Lyndsay C. Gibson, (2015): Adut Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. New Harbinger
publications
