Overthinking—also known as rumination—is something we’ve all experienced. It often happens at night, just as you’re ready to sleep.. Your mind suddenly focuses on a thought, replaying a situation from earlier in the day. You analyze it from every angle, imagining different scenarios, thinking about what you should have said, and how you can fix it.
Sometimes, it even wakes you up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back to sleep, leaving you exhausted still without a solution to what was worrying you in the first place.
Here I’ll explain you why this happens and what you can do about it
What Is Rumination?
Rumination is a cycle of repetitive, negative thinking where you dwell on a past situation, mistake, or problem without reaching a solution. It often involves replaying events over and over in your mind, wondering how things could have gone differently.
While reflecting on past experiences can sometimes be helpful, rumination is different—it’s unhealthy. It doesn’t help you to move forward, on the contrary, it keeps you stuck.
Signs You’re Ruminating
You might be caught in a cycle of rumination if you:
- Replay a past conversation or mistake repeatedly.
- Obsess over how others perceive you.
- Try to “fix” something that has already happened.
- Feel overwhelmed by self-criticism or regret.
- Struggle to focus on the present because of intrusive thoughts.
Rumination is commonly linked to anxiety and depression, but even people without these conditions can experience it. The good news? There are ways to stop it and regain peace of mind.
Why Do We Overthink?
There’s no single reason why we overthink, but common causes include:
1. Your Brain Is Trying to Make Sense of Things
When something upsetting happens, your brain’s natural response is to analyze it to prevent similar situations in the future. But often makes things worse by magnifying the problem.
2. Fear of Making Mistakes
If you struggle with perfectionism, you might replay situations in your head to ensure you didn’t say or do anything “wrong.” The fear of failure can keep you stuck in a cycle of second-guessing yourself.
3. Anxiety and Uncertainty
Overthinking is often an attempt to control uncertainty. It is uncomfortable to “not know.” Your brain’s job is to prevent something bad from happening—but in reality, rumination just increases stress.
4. Avoidance of Uncomfortable Feelings
Sometimes, rumination is a way to distract yourself from deeper emotions, like shame, sadness, or insecurity. Instead of processing those feelings, your mind keeps you busy analyzing a past event.
I want to be clear—overthinking is not something you choose to do to yourself; it’s not intentional—it just happens.. If you find yourself ruminating more than three times a week or for extended periods, it may be helpful to seek guidance from a therapist. However, if overthinking happens occasionally, there are strategies to break the cycle.
How to Stop Overthinking and Rumination
Let’s go through a scenario. Imagine you were at work, chatting with your coworkers, and suddenly you said something you didn’t mean to say. That night, your mind won’t let it go. You replay the moment over and over, imagining how your colleagues now see you.
You might try to reassure yourself:
- It’s not a big deal.
- At least I was honest.
- I’m such an idiot—why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
But no matter what you tell yourself, you still feel bad.
Step 1: Identify the Core Emotion Behind Overthinking
Here’s the key: bad is not a feeling. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find that what you’re actually experiencing is shame.
Shame is one of the hardest emotions to process. It can feel heavy, hot, and deeply uncomfortable—sometimes even triggering past wounds. Shame tells us that something is fundamentally wrong with us, and that’s a tough belief to confront.
Step 2: Challenge Your Thoughts
According to researcher Brené Brown, shame thrives in secrecy—but it cannot survive when you choose to speak about it and confront it.
When you notice yourself ruminating, try this:
- Identify where you feel shame in your body. Does it feel tight? Heavy? Hot?
- Ask yourself: What is this shame telling me? If the answer is, “Something is wrong with me,” challenge that belief.
- Breathe deeply and reframe your thoughts. If shame tells you that you overshared, ask yourself: Is sharing really a bad thing? If you grew up in an environment where your opinions weren’t valued, remind yourself: As an adult, it’s okay to express myself.
- Soothe and empower yourself. Speak to yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that mistakes don’t define you.
Little by little, this practice will help you feel more at ease. And if an apology is truly necessary, this process will make it easier to do so from a place of clarity, not anxiety.
Additional Strategies to Stop Overthinking
1. Shift Your Focus to the Present
When you catch yourself overthinking, pause and engage in an activity that brings you back to the present moment. Try:
- Going for a walk.
- Practicing deep breathing.
- Journaling your thoughts.
- Using the five senses.
2. Set a “Worry Time”
Give yourself a designated 10-15 minutes each day to worry or reflect. When the time is up, redirect your focus. This helps train your brain to avoid constant rumination.
3. Ask Yourself: Will This Matter in a Year?
When overthinking takes over, ask: Will this situation still matter a year from now? This perspective shift can help you let go of minor concerns.
4. Talk It Out
Shame and overthinking thrive in isolation. Talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain perspective and break the cycle of rumination.
Final Thoughts
Overthinking doesn’t solve problems—it keeps you stuck. The next time you find yourself spiraling, remember: you don’t need to fix the past, you just need to meet yourself with understanding.
Be kind to yourself. You’re learning, growing, and doing the best you can. And that is enough.
